Blade Under Mask - 100

A complete lack of positive character development is going to kill this story. characters NEED to learn from their mistakes, that's what drives a conflict, but if a conflict keeps dragging on and on with no resolution, it wears down the audiences patience and before you know you just get apathy and people turn off from the story.

and yes, hedging your story around a single conflict (mae being abused by asami) is not a good idea. good stories resolve around multiple conflicts, one resolution of one often leading to the cause of the other, like dominoes.

at least, that's just my advice based on my writing style.